The Girl Whom Nobody Loved
by youcanreachthestars
Summary: "They should have immediately hated each other. But they didn't. They liked each other immensely." Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon met on the boat to Hogwarts. This is the journey through acknowledgement, friendship, love and heartbreak. Sirius/Marlene.
1. First Year

They talked in the boat on the way up to the castle. She was Marlene McKinnon, muggle-born. He was Sirius Black, pure-blood. She liked her family. He loathed his. She smiled a lot, and laughed loudly. She was loose, relaxed. He was tense and nervous, terrified as to what house he would be in. They found out a lot about each other in those ten minutes. By any law, they should have immediately hated each other, been sworn enemies. But they weren't. They liked each other immensely.

But halfway through the boat ride, another boy spoke to Sirius, with a shock of black hair, and glasses. Sirius left Marlene to her own devices on the rest of the trip, and the two boys became fast friends. Marlene was left sitting at the helm of the boat, staring out at the black, lifeless water.

They weren't in the same house. She was in Ravenclaw, and he in Gryffindor. But it was only to be expected. He was the brawny one, with the confident, cocky attitude, popular, and handsome beyond belief. She was the one with the issues. The one with the brains, but perhaps too many. The clumsy one. The one who everyone avoided, not noticeably, but just so that they wouldn't have to brush up against her in the corridor. The one, her house decided, would end up alone.

They watched each other over the heads of their classmates, over the bustle. His calm, grey eyes, and her bright, dancing black ones. A fire lit in each one. People were scared it would get out of control. Yet his were like the water to extinguish it, keep it under control. All through the meals in the Great Hall, they would watch each other, their gaze never broken. They weren't talked to by others. After all, they were only first-years. And Sirius' friends knew not to disturb him during mealtimes. They were, he informed them, his favourite part of the day.

That was how the rest of the year went on. They never talked, only stared. And slowly, a connection grew between them. An understanding.

Neither of them would admit to it being friendship. Nobody would believe Marlene if she said it, and James Potter had told Sirius he wasn't to be friends with her. She was strange, and his popularity would go way down if he was seen talking to her, much less being friends.

So they stuck to their mealtimes when they had contact, and stayed, gazing at each other.

There was only one mealtime missed by each of them that year. For Marlene, it was dinner in January. Last lesson was potions, and she had mixed the Essence of Drowsiness incorrectly. When testing, she fell fast asleep, and didn't awaken for all of the afternoon or that night. She finally came back to consciousness at five o'clock the next morning, but nobody knew except for Professor Slughorn and Madam Pomfrey. For Sirius, that was the worst night of the year. He didn't eat anything. His friends were worried about him. For the first time all year, he turned and talked to them during the meal, rather than their conceived notions of him staring into space. They questioned him, but he ignored them, and brought up Quidditch.

For Sirius, the mealtime he missed was breakfast in August. He had stayed up late with some of the others in his dormitory to celebrate the Quidditch match they had one that afternoon. Somebody brought in some of Rosmerta from the pub's mulled mead, and all the boys had drunk more than their fair share. However, it was the brazen Sirius who suggested drinking games, and it was the brazen Sirius who continued to lose. As a result, it was he who had the worst hangover he would ever have in his life the next morning, and it was he who spent his time from eight o'clock in the morning to one o'clock in the afternoon emptying his dinner from last night, as well as the cockroach clusters from the party, into the toilet. Contrary to Marlene's reason for absence, everyone in first year, second year, most of third year, and half of the senior years knew about his reason for not being at breakfast, and when he finally came down for lunch, his face gaunt and tinged with green, he was regarded as a hero. The only first-year to date to get such an impressive hangover.

Marlene chose not to disclose her opinion on his reason as to why he wasn't there. However, as Sirius seated himself, and turned to look for Marlene, her eyes were reproachful. They still stared at each other, but this time there was more meaning conveyed. Her eyes were saying, 'How could you do this to me?' , and his were saying, 'I'm sorry.'

The rest of the year went on without any hiccups. They continued to watch each other, and never talked. But each could see the other changing, as they observed them during their day.

Sirius became more and more cocksure, and began to act up in the corridors, taking students' belongings as a joke, insulting teachers as they passed, hexing people left and right. Marlene became more and more withdrawn. She certainly had no friends, and nobody ever talked to her. Eyes seemed to pass over her wherever she walked. People either refused to make eye contact, or didn't see her at all. Those that did see her only laughed, the sound filled with cruel, scornful contempt for the girl who nobody loved.


	2. Second Year

This was the year the two talked. Granted, they didn't say anything much to each other, and it was completely devoid of any meaning, but that wasn't the point. The point was that they talked, and that the words spoken held a sort of comradeship that convinced the other that nothing would ever happen to break their bond.

Sirius and Marlene, Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, shared two classes, Herbology and Potions. Of course, they sat at opposite ends of the room in each one, avoiding eye contact. It was too small an environment for them to openly gaze at one another as they did in the Great Hall at mealtimes. But they were both all too aware of each others' presence. They worked through their second-year assessments and classwork in silence, much to the delight of Professor Blindarch and Professor Slughorn. They were both afraid of speaking out and making a fool of themselves in front of the other, for they both meant more to each other than they realised.

The first time they touched was in Potions. Professor Slughorn had announced that they would be doing a Calming Draught, usually only attempted by third year students, and the first student to finish would win fifty house points for their house, so long as their potion was perfect. An excited murmur broke out among the class, rising into a full onslaught of delighted babble about how excelled their class was, how they would be the one to win the points, how they would be the best second year potions student ever. Professor Slughorn had to shoot several firecrackers out of his wand to make the class quieten down.

The class was instructed to go to the supply closet one by one, and collect the necessary ingredients. Sirius, egged on by his friends, jumped up and shoved over the person making their way to the supply closet, to gather all the ingredients for him and his friends, so that they could start early, and one of them could win the fifty points. He bounded over to the cupboard, sending chairs and cauldrons flying, splattering Xenophilius Lovegood in boiling water, and sending him careening off into a corner to put a salve on his burnt skin.

He also knocked over one other person, which he would regret sorely in a few years time. Marlene McKinnon was shuffling back from the closet, taking tiny steps, careful not to drop anything off the overflowing pile of ingredients gathered up in her arms. A heavy, dark-haired mass barged into her, sending her crashing to the ground, her armful of potions ingredients flying to the wall beside her. A handful of gooseberries splattered, leaving tiny purple stains dotting the damp stone.

Sirius gaped in horror at what he had done. He could feel the eyes of his friends on his back, waiting to see what he would to- kick her, laugh and move on, or do the unthinkable and help her. Marlene McKinnon, the friendless one. This was what Sirius would become too, if he helped her. You did not talk to Marlene McKinnon if you wanted to keep your place as the top dog among the second year Gryffindors. Sirius knew this, and he stood, frozen, his eyes locked on the figure curled on the ground at his feet. His mind broiled like storm clouds, as he went through hundreds, thousands, of possible things he could do. But in the end, he did the only thing he could do. Step over her, laugh, and collect the ingredients for his friends.

Marlene McKinnon was left lying on the ground. After several minutes, when nobody helped her up, Professor Slughorn cast a disapproving gaze over the class, and walked over to help her himself. Hoisting her up over one shoulder, he motioned to Peter Pettigrew, and told him to take her up the hospital wing immediately. A small bundle of fluxweed leaves had been caught under her chin when it hit the ground, and the juice had begun leaking out of the bruises, burning into her skin without her noticing.

As Peter carried her out of the dungeon, struggling under her weight, Marlene's eyes found Sirius', and once again, they were filled with reproach. To his dismay, Sirius could see the fire in her eyes dim slightly, as she disappeared through the door.

She returned to the class with twenty minutes left, and to everyone's surprise, especially Sirius', she whipped up the Calming Draught within the time left, with three minutes to spare. She did it all without a word to anyone, and a look on her face so ferocious and concentrated that nobody dared disturb her.

She ended up winning the fifty points.

Later that year, during Herbology, Professor Blindarch assigned each of them partners, as the rest of the year's Herbology lessons would be devoted to determining which of the two could care for Abyssinian Shrivelfigs better. Whoever cared for them better get three extra credit points on their yearly Herbology exam later that year.

"Sirius Black, and James Potter." The two boys grinned at each other.

"Marlene McKinnon and Xenophilius Lovegood." Marlene winced. Xenophilius smirked.

They began their work, potting the Shrivelfigs. The whole class was focused entirely on this one assignment. Everyone wanted to get those three credit points.

Halfway through the lesson, a mild disaster struck. Sirius and James, messing around under the table with their wands, accidentally cracked heads, jerking the two boys into each other. James' wand merely stabbed the pot their shrivelfig was planted in, sending a small, yet steady stream of dirt falling to the ground. However, Sirius' wand hit the edge of the table, ricocheted off, and let off a loud bang, accompanied by a cloud of acrid grey-green smoke. Mortified, he looked up to see the rest of the class staring, except for Marlene. She was still focusing intently on her Shrivelfig. A wave of relief washed over him, and he turned to find James' skin turning a nasty grey colour, similar to the smoke hanging around his head.

Peter Pettigrew was told to take him to the hospital wing again, and Sirius was put in a group with Marlene and Xenophilius.

They worked in silence, but Marlene and Sirius continued to trade looks, Marlene's apprehensive and critical, Sirius' apologetic. But when their hands brushed, neither of them missed the tiny, yet enormous spark of electricity between them.

When James came back, Xenophilius begged to go with him instead of Marlene. Hurt flashed through her eyes, but Sirius gathered all his courage together, and took a hold of her hand, comforting, reassuring. I won't reject you.

She looked up at him, with her dancing black eyes, a small fire flaring up in each, bigger than before, and smiled. It was the most beautiful thing Sirius had ever seen.

At the end of the lesson, they grinned sheepishly at each other, both aware of the fact that despite having such a strong connection for almost two years now, neither of them had spoken to each other.

Sirius, his heart tight and pounding, his stomach twisting, he opened his mouth to speak.

"See you."

Her eyes widened, and her smile, if possible became even more beautiful than before.

"Bye, Sirius."

It was only the beginning.


	3. Third Year

Third year was the year they became friends.

Yes, friends. Halfway through the year, both were ready to admit it. Granted, they weren't inseparable. Sirius had his own friends in his own house, and Marlene, well, she had her study. But they were friends. And for both of them, they were overjoyed to finally be able to say it out aloud.

They had continued the beginning of their third year in calm, friendly silence, working side by side on all and every project when they were in the same class.

When they passed each other in the corridors, they would take a moment, and acknowledge each other. Step aside from the throng of moving, chattering people, and slip into their own forever. They would talk for a few minutes about their day so far, then Sirius would see James or Remus coming, and slip back into the stream of day-to-day whatever to seek out his fellow Marauders. They couldn't know about him and Marlene. Otherwise he wouldn't be Padfoot anymore. He'd just be Sirius Black, the would-be Ravenclaw, who took pity on Marlene McKinnon.

Both of the took Muggle Studies, the only ones from each of their houses, curiously enough. The rest of the class was made up of Hufflepuffs and a few Slytherins. For both of them, though they'd never admit it, this was their favourite time of day. When they could sit next to each other and work together, helping each other out, doing the things friends should do.

During their Herbology mid-year exam, they both reached the last question at the same time. It was about shrivelfigs, and from two different corners of the Great Hall, muffled laughter sprang up. Two heads were raised, and cool grey eyes met the black ones. The bond stretched between them, fluid and beautiful. That was the moment they knew they could be friends.

Just after their mid-year exams, they sat by the lake, going over each other's responses to things. Marlene quizzed him on his answer to the particularly difficult potions essay, and, in turn, Sirius drilled Marlene on her results for the Charms table that was filled in. Both laughed at how Sirius' appalling Transfiguration practical had turned out, where he had managed to transfigure the tropical-themed coffee mug into a large palm tree instead of a bonsai, and the Hall had to be vacated.

They sat side by side, smiling fondly at the other, arms linked. Sirius could feel the sun on his neck, and he lowered his eyelids. He hadn't done as badly in his exams as he thought he had, and everything should be fine.

But suddenly, without warning, the sun was blocked out by a figure standing behind him. Sirius struggled briefly with the prospect of opening his eyes, then blearily peered up- to see James Potter, his mouth twisted in a grimace.

"What is this?" he asked. "What are you doing? Do you care this little about being a Marauder?"

Sirius shook his head blindly. He didn't know what do do. Who did he care more about, Marlene, or Prongs, Moony and Wormtail?

He had to make his choice, and he did. He grinned up at the figure.

"Marlene is my friend, ok?" Her head jerked up. That was the first time either of them had said it out aloud. "You can keep me as your friend and deal, or you can shove it. Either way, she was the first person who talked to me at Hogwarts, and she means a lot to me."

James huffed, and walked away.

Sirius smiled at Marlene, and he took away her breath just by being so close to her. He looked deep into her eyes, like precious gems inlaid into her face, and was transfixed, as the flame within them leapt up, warming him.

"Thankyou, Sirius."

Sirius stayed friends with the Marauders, but stayed friends with Marlene too. This was the way for the rest of third year. Sirius was with his friends from his house for most of the day, except for one hour in the afternoon, after lessons, but before Quidditch, when he and Marlene would go down to the lake, and sit against their favourite tree. They would lie there, talking. Sirius sometimes braided Marlene's hair. She would lie on his chest and just rest, drowsy, tired from the day's activities.

The rest of the school was gobsmacked. Cocky, confident Sirius Black friends with the loner Marlene McKinnon? Would they be an item? This was completely out of the ordinary, for both of them. Rumours circulated around the school like lightening. They were dating. Their relationship was complicated. They were engaged. Married. Divorced. Cousins.

But the two were oblivious to this.

Eventually, the end of the year came around, much to their disappointment.

"Bye Marlene. Have a good holidays. I really have to go, okay?" He tugged away from her, seeing his mother near the gates, dark, oily hair hanging in her face, her pale, pockmarked complexion twisted in impatience. But Marlene didn't respond. She simply continued dragging him behind her down to the other end of the platform. Twisting his neck, he looked back to his mother, who was glaring at him with such ferocity he began to sweat. "Marlene, please, my mum is-"

"Mum, this is Sirius. Can he stay with us these holidays? He's my best friend." Sirius' head shot up, he stopped trying to avoid Mrs McKinnon's eyes, and a smile slowly spread across his face. He noticed her eyes were the exact same type as Marlene's- black, shining, dancing, with a spark in each one he knew would never go out.


	4. Fourth Year

That year, the two were inseparable. They were, as Marlene had so bluntly, and yet so lovingly said to her mother, best friends.

They had spent an amazing summer together. They played Quidditch in the backyard with Marlene's brothers and sisters. They went shopping together, for robes, pets, books, a little bit of everything, really. Holding hands the entire time. Sirius had to put up with little nudges and winks from Mrs McKinnon, but both he and Marlene ignored them. Even though they both felt little flutters in their chest. But neither would ever admit it.

They went through the year together, as peas in a pod. Everyone thought they were dating, but when Sirius relayed this information to her, all she did was laugh.

"Marlene, um, everyone thinks we're, well, an item."

"Really?" She grinned shyly, eyes lowered, twirling her fork through her spaghetti. Each night, they took turns at sitting at the other's table. Marlene, while not a friend, had been grudgingly accepted by the Marauders when they saw how much she meant to him. Sirius, on the other hand, had no such problems sitting at the Ravenclaw table. They all leaned away slightly, not enough for it to be obvious, but enough for him to notice, shrug, and turn back to her.

"Yes, really. Do you think we should set them straight? Like, if I got a girlfriend or something?"

She hesitated. "Nah."

"Okay then." He looked around to see a fairly large group of second-year Ravenclaws staring at him and Marlene. He bared his teeth at them. "Grrr!" They squealed, and like a tiny school of fish, darted away back to the other end of the table. "You sure, Marlene? They were probably gathering up gossip to tell the other fourth-years."

"But they didn't get anything, Sirius." Oh yes they did, he thought. They got the look in my eye when she said I shouldn't get a girlfriend. That look of hope, delight, anticipation. He still had a chance.

It was Christmas, and they were along in the Charms corridor. The silence around them was like a blanket, comforting, keeping them warm in their solitude. Their backs were up against the wall, and the cool moonlight washed over them, coating them in a transparent layer of silver. Their heads were turned towards each other, and they were murmuring, smiling, laughing softly under their breath.

"I have your present," Sirius said, reaching into his cloak. He drew out a small package, and handed it to her. Biting her lip, excitement shining in her eyes, Marlene took the package and slowly began to peel off the first layer of tape. Then the second. Then the third. Sirius began to fidget with the hem of his robes ,impatient with her for taking so long. Then the fourth. With a low muffled cry, he withdrew his wand and flicked it at the package. The wrapping fell off in a neat folded pile and landed on the floor. Marlene was left holding a small box. Breathing lightly, she lifted the lid, and saw inside a necklace, with two tiny charms hanging from it- a minute golden lion, and a silver badger. Both were tangled together, the sharp edges of the limbs catching on each other. Marlene's soft fingers curled in towards the necklace, and lifted the charms, deftly untangling them, but halfway through, her hand was stopped by another, larger, rougher, warmer hand.

"Stop. They're meant to be tangled." She saw an identical bracelet on his own hand, masculine enough for him to wear, yet still carrying enough meaning for her.

She pulled her hand away, but as she did so, the thin metal edge sliced through the tender skin on the side of her thumb, sending blood straight to the surface, welling up. Looking into her eyes, Sirius raised her hand to his mouth, and kissed the wound. Again and again. Until it stopped bleeding, and she looked straight back into his own eyes.

"I have your present with me here too," she whispered. He frowned. She didn't seem to have anything with her.

"Where?" He then cursed inwardly. He sounded like a selfish, greedy child, eager for his presents, so he could look at them and then cast them away.

"Here," she breathed, and leaned in close, and kissed him delicately on the lips.


	5. Fifth Year

"Guys, I'm dating Marlene."

"WHAT!"

"Yeah. Can you please just deal with it, and accept her? I love her, okay? She's my best friend in the world, and means absolutely everything to me. Why can't you just accept that?"

"...fine. But we're not happy with it, are we guys?" A general mutter of assent came from Peter and Remus behind James. They turned their backs on Siruis, and walked up the stairs to the dormitory, leaving the fourth Marauder at the bottom of the stairs, his head bowed, heart clenched in pain, and his gut twisting within him. He never knew it would hurt this much to have found love.

* * *

"I'd like to announce something!" Marlene stood up on the table in the Ravenclaw common room, a glass of butterbeer raised in her trembling hand. "I'm dating Siri-" she stumbled, and crashed to the floor, her glass shattering, butterbeer spraying everywhere. Sirius' hand stayed clenched around her ankle, and he half dragged, half carried her over towards the quietest place of the common room, near the fire.

"What do you think you're doing!"

She stared at him. "Huh?"

"Why are you telling everyone?"

"I'm just happy for us! You got to tell your friends, didn't you? So why can't I tell mine?"

"Because you don't have any f-" He stopped himself, but not quickly enough. Tears welled up in her eyes, and a damp sigh expelled out of her mouth. Leaning forwards, she buried herself in his chest, and a single sob burst out of her, muffled by his robes. "Baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, you know I didn't." All she could do was shake her head into him, and continue crying. "I really didn't mean it, Marlene. I'm sorry." She raised her head, eyes red and bloodshot, face streaked with tears.

"But Sirius, it's true. I don't have any friends, and I never will. I might as well give up."

"No." He had never sounded so terrifying to her, so firm, so sure of what he was saying. "You are never to give up. Listen to me very carefully." He lifted her up into his lap, where she curled up, arms around his neck.

"Yes?"

"You have got friends, you have had friends, and you will always have friends. You will never be too far gone, and you will never ever give up. Do you understand me? I am your friend. I have been your friend before, and I will always be your friend." She smiled weakly, and nestled herself into the crook of his neck, head resting on his shoulder. She gave him a soft kiss on his jaw, light as a butterfly.

"Keep going."

"You're the most special thing to me in my life, and I think I might have loved you since I-" Marlene had begun to kiss him all the way along his jaw, and was beginning to make her way down his neck.

"Keep going."

"Um, since I…" Distracted, Sirius shifted, something stirring deep within him. His arms circled around her slender waist, and drew her into him sharply. He heard her intake of breath, and, empowered, continued. "Since I saw you for the-" It was his turn to gasp, as she began to loosen his tie, and undo the top button, all the while grazing her teeth along his collarbone. She rubbed herself against him, and he groaned. She mumbled something into his bare skin, and he kept talking. "Since I saw- can we go upstairs, please?" He lifted her into the air, and, with Marlene still unbuttoning his shirt, halfway down the white cotton, he carried her up the stairs and into her dormitory. At four in the afternoon, they were the only ones in there.

Casting a quick spell at the door to lock it, Marlene gave Sirius a sultry smile, and ripped his shirt off him. She ran her fingers over his torso, feather-light, then let them drift down towards his pants. He grinned, and, grasping her waist, let them fall backwards together onto the bed. With a thump, a shake of the bed, and a small cloud of dust, then landed, and rolled over.

They were truly a couple.


	6. Sixth Year

She had become the girl whom everybody loved. As she walked through sixth year , hand in hand with Sirius Black, Marlene McKinnon's popularity had skyrocketed. Simply going down the Charms corridor resulted in her being showered with greetings, jokes, and praise. She was glowing. She was one of the most liked girls in her grade, even more so than Lily Potter, which was quite an achievement.

She and Sirius were the power couple of the moment. They went together everywhere, to Hogsmeade, in the Great Hall, their common rooms, Sirius even walked her to all of her classes. And she seemed to absolutely love it.

There was only one problem. As the year went by, something began to dim in her, as she experienced the various delights and rights of popularity. She didn't talk as much, and she no longer laughed.

And that one night in the Ravenclaw common room, when the two sat opposite each other on the love seat, staring into each others eyes, pinkies locked together, Sirius made a horrible discovery.

Marlene's flame was no longer there.

That flickering light, a trapped soul within her eyes battering against the barriers to get out, had died. Or was sleeping. Her eyes were lifeless, flat. And the flame had been transferred. Sirius' eyes no longer resembled the calm surface of the waters of a lake. Instead, they were the shimmer of underwater sunlight, shattered light fragments on choppy waves, reflecting the sun into the world. Granted, it fluttered at his realisation that she no longer had this spirit in her, but they still replicated almost exactly the constantly shifting beams of light piercing deep oceans.

A choked gasp caught in Sirius' throat. Marlene's eyes focused on his face almost instantly, the light from the nearby lamp reflecting dully off the blackness.

"What is it?"

He merely shook his head, muted. He couldn't tell her, he'd think she was ridiculous. Honestly, how could he tell the girl he loved that her eyes no longer shined? He loved her nonetheless, as did everyone, but he was beginning to doubt himself. Could he love someone with no soul, no spirit? There was no evidence of the loss in her personality, but Sirius knew. He had watched her carefully every day since First Year, and was able to tell when something was wrong. And he knew that something was wrong. There was no physical signs, in the way she acted, or spoke, or her personality, but it was in the way she was. Her state of being, almost. It was altered.

"Babe, is everything alright?" Shock registered in her face as she took in the question slowly, taking it apart in her mind, digesting it.

"Why do you ask?"

"I'm just a bit concerned about you."

"Yes, but why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason."

"No, what is it? I want to know!"

"Are you denying that something's wrong?"

"No!"

"See?"

"Wait… no, you confused me! I mean yes! I mean, no, I'm denying…"

Sirius leaned forward and rested a single finger on her lips. She could feel the callouses, the faint outline of old scars, dents, scratches, every tiny detail she could feel in his finger in that single movement, and she had never felt more connected to him. "Shhh… Baby, I want you to tell me honestly. What's wrong?"

And that was the moment when she released all her hurt, and embarrassment, and loneliness, and pain, and began to cry into his arms. The tears poured down her cheeks, and under normal circumstances, Sirius would have wiped them away with his thumb, but they fell too thick and too fast, and he soon gave up. He merely held her into him, absorbing her warmth, sharing his own, and helping her release all her pent up emotion.

"Please tell me what's wrong."

"I… I don't like it…"

"What don't you like?" But he could already feel the heavy weight sinking in his stomach, settling to the bottom. He knew what was coming.

"I don't like being… with…"

"With me."

She nodded into his chest. She began to spill out her soul, voice muffled by his robes. "When I was unpopular nothing was wrong, but now, now that I'm popular, and everyone likes me, it feels strange and uncomfortable, and I feel that nobody likes me for who I am anymore. Nobody ever liked me before, but now I just feel as though it's forced, and because I'm your g- gi- girlfriend, I have to live up to everyone's expectations, and it's so draining, and…"

Sirius listened to her pour out everything for the next few hours, the entire time his heart slowly and methodically ripping itself to shreds. He was beyond caring.

Eventually it hit 10:30pm, and people were beginning to come upstairs from the common room to go to bed. Seeing Marlene crying on her bed next to Sirius, he received several filthy glares from the girls around him, and one had the nerve to give him a shove and tell him to "get packing".

"Um, ladies, it's not what it looks like, um…" A general cacophany broke out, drowning him in yells and insults.

"You made her cry, you bastard!"

"You're such an asshole Black, how could you hurt her."

"She really believed you cared about her."

Marlene raised her head slowly, eyes glittering. "Sirius? You don't care about me?"

"Marlene, no! I'm the only one who cares about you! You must know that! All these girls wouldn't be defending you if you weren't my girlfriend!" A deathly silence washed over the room. "That is to say…"

"So you think I'm liked because I'm your girlfriend."

"Isn't that what you've been complaining to me about the past three hours? How is this even happening, this is a private conversation! Can we take this somewhere else?"

"No. No Sirius, we can't. We'll have this out now."

"Marlene, honey, where is this even coming from? We love each other!"

"Sure, Sirius."

He was gobsmacked. Just from the girls coming into the room, the conversation had flipped around and everything had gone wrong. It was all messy, and confusing, and he had no idea what was going on.

Head whirling, he stood abruptly from the bed, gave Marlene a curt nod, and stalked out of the room.

He needed time to think.

* * *

Sirius didn't meet Marlene's eye again that year. They didn't speak. They didn't acknowledge each other.

But from what he had heard, the flame still hadn't come back.

Her eyes still didn't have that depth that they did in First Year.

Worst thing was, there was nothing he could do about it.

He had caused it.

He was helpless.


	7. Seventh Year

Sixth year ended fairly quickly for the two after that, avoiding each other the entire time. The holidays passed as well. The only time that dragged out was when they would sit at their desk, staring at their owls, waiting for a letter from the other.

Seventh year was excruciating for both of them.

She waited for him to come find her and help sort things out. He waited for her to come explain what happened. Nothing ever happened. They spent the rest of the year waiting for each other. Waiting for nothing, in a loop that would never be broken. Both too proud to apologise first, both too scared to confront the other.

It was a messy breakup, neither really knowing the real reason. It threw the relationship between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw into chaos, both hating the other for no particular reason. It was several years before the two houses formed a strong enough bond to continue on in peace.

The marauders were triumphant, applauding Sirius for dumping her, consoling at first but soon moving into the congratulations stage, assuring him it was the right thing to have done, she wasn't worth it. But Sirius wasn't sure. He dreamt about her every night, visions of her appearing to him and saying she forgave him, for whatever it was. Her saying she loved him. Her saying she missed him, she wanted him back. But as much as he wanted it in real life, it never happened. He spent his time in the Great Hall at mealtimes staring at his plate, not eating. He soon grew thin and pale, his usually tan complexion fading to an off grey. Marlene went back to being completely friendless, nobody to talk to about the breakup. What hurt the most was that usually she would have spoken to Sirius about her problems and worked through them with him, but now that he was the issue, she was completely alone. She began to wear long-sleeved shirts, and a few people saw faint scars decorating her wrists sometimes when she pushed her sleeves back during potions to work. She never came out of her dorm except for lessons and meals. She grew her dark hair long and permanently straightened it so it fell in her eyes. She was a mess.

Neither was aware of the effect the breakup had on the other person. Each thought the other was perfectly happy, looking for new people, aware that they hadn't worked out and trying to avoid whatever it was that had broken them up.

Whispers around the school were that Marlene was pregnant, and that if she had the baby she was going to kill it and sell its organs.

People said Sirius had a new girlfriend, but he had her just for the sex, they never spoke.

One evening, Marlene stood at the top of the Astronomy tower on the balcony, the purple sky illuminating her dark eyes, reflecting the moon, a tiny circle within the wide, black outlined ones. They appeared almost violet. The fierce wind whipped her hair back and forth across her face, separate strands sticking to her mouth as it parted slightly. Her light breath misted in front of her into a subtle cloud of white, imitating the shredded clouds strewn across the sky above her. She rested her elbows on the railing looking over the grounds of Hogwarts and cast her eyes downwards, to where she noticed a large black dog flicker slightly, then disappear. A sigh danced on her lips, then tumbled out into the crisp evening air. Sirius. He was there with Remus, James and Peter, with his friends, spending time with them, helping them, protecting them. She had always longed for someone like that, but she never had anyone. Ever. And she never would.

She slowly became aware of a dull throbbing in her wrist. Drawing back the plain black cotton of her robes, she cast her eye down the methodical rows of white scars, memories of the pain after the break up, memories of her past, memories of her hardship. There were extremely old ones, almost invisible now, from her first year, second year, third year, fourth year, each becoming more and more pronounced. A small gap, from when she was together with Sirius. The blank skin seemed to mock her. And then, several more, deeper than the previous ones, some dried and healing, others only just scabbing over, and two just beneath the heel of her palm in a crisscross pattern, freshly sliced, tiny beads of blood welling up. And a silvery metal figure digging into it. A lion, from the bracelet Sirius had given her for Christmas several years ago. The badger was beside it. A tiny grimace slipped across her mouth as she remembered a few days after Christmas when she confronted him about the bracelet.

_Sirius, you're aware I'm in Ravenclaw? Badgers are the animal of Hufflepuff. If this is meant to represent our houses' unity, and thus our unity, it was quite a fail._

She remembered glaring at him, and his reaction.

_Um, this was the only one in the shop. And, well, I thought you'd like this one best. I thought you said woodland animals were your favourite animals?_

And she remembered her reaction to that statement.

_Oh, yes, they are. And lions are yours? It wasn't for the houses, it was for us!_

And his reply.

_Yes, for us. You and me, together. Forever._

Her throat began to close up, a hard lump forming in the centre. Her stomach twisted, and she felt she was going to be sick.

Trembling, stiff fingers fumbled with the clasp, and she undid the bracelet. She shook the tiny lion charm off the bracelet into the palm of her hand. Dangling it over the side of the railing, she took a deep, shaky breath, and let it fall from her fingers. As it fell, it sliced open an old cut, exactly where it had cut her the day she got it. A single drop of blood followed it down, down, as it plummeted towards the ground. Without waiting to see it hit the ground, she turned on her heel and disappeared back into the castle.

Meanwhile, below, a black dog reappeared, and sat on its haunches staring up at the astronomy tower. He had seen her up there, staring out at the grounds. He hoped she hadn't seen him, and if she had, that she had assumed he was taking Moony into the Shrieking Shack, rather than to submit himself to the mercy of the Whomping Willow, let himself be beaten to within an inch of his life, then crawl back out, shaking to the core, to let himself dwell on his wounds, inside and out.

Feeling sorry for himself, gazing up at the place where Marlene had been just a few moments ago, he was startled by a streak of silver streaming past his face and landing in a sleek pile at his forepaws. He nudged it, but it didn't move. It was then that he noticed the tiny red smear on the side, and he realised what it was- the bracelet he had given her as a Christmas present. He had felt such an idiot afterwards, not transforming the badger into an eagle, as it was obviously what she had preferred, and his present seemed so useless and insensitive, whilst hers really sealed their relationship.

His clear grey eyes were watery, and a single tear hovered, and then fell into the dark fur above his nose. Pressing his paw into the bracelet, he stomped it into the ground, then continued towards the castle without looking back. He didn't notice the tiny scrap of metal in the shape of a badger digging into the soft flesh of the bottom of his paw. Loping back towards the castle, a tiny spot of his blood was left on the bracelet, now bare of charms.

His blood, her blood, mingling on the silver, surrounded by the earth.

They didn't talk again.

Ever.


	8. Epilogue

**A/N: Hey kids, this is the last chapter, just an epilogue 'cause I didn't feel right ending it on such a sadworthy note. So, here you go. Hope you enjoyed the story, and thanks to all that alerters, favouriters and reviewers. Love goes out to you.**

**~Stars**

* * *

They didn't see each other again for many years. Occasionally they would see the back of each other at the ministry, but as though by some magnetic force, they would veer off in the opposite direction to the way the other was going.

Marlene took some time off from work and travelled the world for a year, and when she came back, she was introduced to the Order of the Phoenix.

Sirius was in on the Order of the Phoenix from the beginning, helping Albus Dumbledore come up with the original idea in the first place. He had no say in Marlene joining the Order.

Six years after the two had left school, they sat a long, room-length table amongst the other order members, opposite each other. Both their eyes were flat and dim, no soul within them whatsoever. Albus Dumbledore sat at the head of the table, white beard glinting slightly in the candlelight. Drawing his wand, he flicked it at the candles, and they immediately brightened, casting dim, flickering glows all over the room.

"I'd like to make a toast to our most successful member here tonight, having located the hideaways of three separate Death Eaters. I'd also like to mention the recent activities of Sirius Black, who had located two other hideaways. Could we give them a round of applause please?"

A general spattering of yells and whoops dotted the clapping, but it soon died down, and Albus moved onto other things on the agenda. But there were two people staring at each other, connected in that single moment. A beam of memory and familiarity stretched between them, and they were entranced. Memories flashed between them, travelling faster than they could possibly have imagined in that single moment, of all their years at Hogwarts, memories of them together, before their relationship, and afterwards. In that single moment, they remembered.

And in unison, the two reached into their pockets, and fingered tiny metal charms. He a badger, and her a lion. They withdrew them, and subtly, carefully, exchanged them over the table.

As their hands touched, an almost unnoticeable spark jumped between them. But they noticed it, alright.

She blushed and blinked several times, and he looked down at his plate. The thread between them snapped.

But neither missed the most important thing.

His eyes were shining, glimmering, like the surface of a lake under the glow of a full moon.

And hers were on fire, dancing, a rippling spark in each.

She was the girl whom nobody loved.

Except for one.


End file.
